I’m finally blogging again!

I just realized it’s been 3 months since I blogged.  Life is crazy!  I haven’t really enjoyed being pregnant, so I guess that makes blogging hard because I feel like everything is a complaint.  So, instead of complaining, I’m going to tell you what I like about being pregnant:

Food.

Um… I know there’s more here…

Josiah kicking me (which he does all day, now).

Yeah, that about sums it up.  I’ve been traveling a lot and so I don’t have all the energy I’m supposed to have. Plus we’re trying to buy a house, which should have been easy since we’ve found 3 in the last 3 months, but all three have been out bid by other buyers and we’ve lost them.  That’s a little annoying.  Right now we’re in a one bedroom apartment so we’ve got to do something soon.

I think the hardest part has been the weight gain.  I knew I would gain weight, but it still doesn’t feel good.  I actually can’t wait until I get go back on Grace & Strength and get back into my old clothes.  Ah! How nice to be referring to “old clothes” and it be smaller ones!   I can’t go back on it, though, until I’m done nursing and my plan is to try to nurse for at least 6 months.  So, it looks like some time next summer… patience.

My OB is a group of ladies and I’ve been meeting different ones each visit and my October visit sucked.  She basically berated me for my “excessive weight gain.” I told her that was kind of a shock considering that at my last visit one of the other doctors said, “Your weight’s great.”  Hmmm… When Jake and I left, even he commented on how mean she was. I cried all the way home.  Needless to say, I’ll not be seeing her again, and when I went for “weight follow-up” I made the appointment with the really nice doctor and told her how I felt about the mean one.  I didn’t spend the hardest year of my life losing 85 pounds so my doctor can make me feel bad about myself.  But, taking what she said into consideration, I probably need to cut the carbs.

Boo

Some days all I want is toast and cereal and I have to force myself to eat protein and veggies.  I haven’t craved anything but bread since the very beginning.  It sucks.

So, anyone have any tasty low carb suggestions?And don’t say Greek Yogurt, cuz I could barf just typing it.

Oh, and since the Grace & Strength diet, I’ve hardly had salt.  I don’t use any at home when I cook and very little when I’m out. I can’t even eat chips anymore, they gross me out.  But last week I was craving pepperoni and black olive pizza, so I had some; big mistake.  Check this out:

The next morning, that is what I woke up to!  I freaked out!  So I drank extra water all day, then elevated my feet all evening, made Jake rub them, and had NO SALT the whole day.  I’ve always reacted poorly to salt, but this was crazy.  Is pepperoni and black olive really worth it?  No! So, after my evening of rest my ankles went back to normal and I’ve sworn off salty foods.

Anyways, this is my pregnancy so far:

• Josiah kicks a lot but won’t kick anyone but me.  Every time Daddy puts his hands on my tummy he stops.  The little turkey.  My sister, Lexi, finally got one, but that was all. He stopped immediately after.
•  I still cry for no reason; that’s weird, but I’m learning to feel it coming so at least it’s not a crazy outburst.
• I have severe road rage
• Ligament pains; that’s a whole other blog post…torture
• Plus-size skinny maternity jeans?  Stupid idea.
• Random barfing from highly sensitive smell and gag reflex – this one is fun, I’ll have to tell you some time about my road trip with Todd from Selah… poor guy.
• Sleeping sitting up; poor Jake.  I take up 3/4 of the bed with all my pillows and couch cushions.
• My baby bump: not so much a bump, but two. It’s really strange.  I think since I was chunky when I started,  my two belly chunks have grown individually rather than as one cute bump. I’m not going to show a picture.
• My hubby loves my crazy belly. He rubs it and kisses it and tells Josiah all the nerdy things he wants to teach him.  He tells me I’m gorgeous and actually looks at me like I really am.  It makes me feel amazing.

Here’s my little man! And what we’re bringing him home from the hospital in.

amy

I’m a little bit crazy

You think it’s never going to happen to you.   People share their pregnancy stories  and you think, “That won’t happen to me.”  And then it does.

Last Monday was a day like any other day.  I got up at 5:30 am, worked all day, and got home at 5 for chores.  We got home late because Jake had to run an errand that I wasn’t particularly interested in running, so it make me a little cranky.  Then we got home and had piles of laundry and no food in the house, except my excessively large stash of sugar free pudding.  So I started the laundry and asked Jake to keep an eye on it while I went grocery shopping.  So far, so good.

I got home from the grocery store and put all the groceries away and realized I was cramping a bit just as the timer went off for the dryer.  Now, keep in mind we live in an apartment and the laundry room is a good jaunt from our place AND our laundry basket is cumbersome and heavy.  So I said to Jake, “Can you please go get the laundry, I’m just too tired and crampy.”  To which he replied, “No.”  This is a typical Jake answer to the laundry request. He hates laundry. But even though he says, “No” every time, he goes out and gets it for me, every time.   So I replied, “Baby, I’m cramping I can’t get it, please…”  We went back and forth a couple of times before he finally said, “Fine, but if I burn dinner it’s on you.”  Then he left.  Still, so far so good.  It’s what happened when he left that got things a little crazy.

He let the door slam.  It broke my heart.  I burst into tears.

I sat their unable to stop myself from crying. Then I was embarrassed and didn’t want him to see me crying like an insane person, so I went and hid in our closet, thinking, “He won’t come in here.”  Of course, he came back in the apartment, saw me missing and came looking.  When he found me in the closet he tried to come to me and hold me. He reached out to hug me and all I wanted was for him to hold me while I cried, so I said, “Leave me alone!”  Then I realized I was yelling at  him, so I shouted (as he fled) “It’s not your fault!”  Then I cried harder because he left and didn’t hold me.  Even though that’s what I asked him to do.

The more I tried to stop crying the harder I cried. My brain was saying, “You are out of your mind,” but I couldn’t stop.  So, I decided to let it flow.  I went out to fold the laundry and sat on the couch hiccuping and sucking in sobs like a 5 year old.  Jake came in from the patio where he was grilling and said, “Baby, what’s wrong.” Then I started crying again.  I could barely explain to him how it hurt my feelings that he slammed the door, and then he didn’t hold me when I told him to go away and I knew that I sounded like a crazy person but I couldn’t stop crying.

He just laughed, got down on his knees in front of me, reached out to hug me, and said, “…And then one time I threw fake vomit over the balcony at the theater and make the sound, ‘huah, huah’ then everyone started vomitting…” in a perfect likeness to Chunk from Goonies and it was adorable.  Only my goofy husband would think to quote a dorky 80′s movie to make me laugh when I couldn’t stop crying.

Then I cry/laughed while he hugged me and told me he loved my crazy moments because they provide him with so much amusement.

So, I guess I too am susceptible to the emotional roller coaster of baby hormones.  I’m just glad I have such a great hubby to hold me and make me laugh when I need it most.

amy

 

 

The Nerdling

Hey all!  I’m just going to be real with you, so far pregnancy kind of sucks.  I’m exhausted, cranky, nauseated – all the time, and chubby.  But yesterday made it all worth it.

Jake and I had our first appointment.  I’m measuring at 10 weeks today with a due date of Valentines Day 2012!!  Jake took a video of the ultrasound, but my blog won’t let me post it and I’m not computer savvy enough to figure it out. But here’s a pic of the little one.

The video is much better.  He/She was wiggling all over; it was sooooo cute but impossible to get a clear picture.  The doctor showed us the yolk sack, the head, the hands and the little butt.  He/she was mooning us!

As for me, she said she’s not concerned about my diet because, obviously, I know how to eat healthy.  I told her I’ve been a little carb heavy lately and she said that’s normal.  She said I won’t need them as much after my first trimester. She also said that based on my BMI, she wanted me to gain between 11-20 lbs in my second and third trimesters – total.  So of course, I called Cyndi right away to talk about food.  We discussed food plans for 2nd and 3rd trimester and I’m feeling good about it.

I’ve had a lot of nausea, but I’ve only puked a few times.  Foods not on the menu anymore due to puking:  Tuna, peanut butter, Jamba juice smoothies.  These are 3 of my favorite things, but for some reason they jack me up!

Well that’s all today.  I leave for New Hampshire this afternoon.  Please pray for me.  Last weekend I was in Minnesota and my early morning flight home was a nightmare.  I already get airsick on early flights, so that combined with hormones was awful.  I was wandering around Salt Lake City airport trying to find a place to  puke…  So please, pray for healthy flying!

amy

Exciting News

Wow, I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I blogged.  I got a little side tracked…

If you don’t have Facebook or Twitter, this will be news to you.. I’m pregnant!! Yay!  My husband, Jake and I didn’t tell very many people but we’ve been trying since November to start our family.  It’s funny, I told Cyndi when we made the decision so she could guide me through what to do with the diet when I got pregnant; of course, I thought it would happen immediately, so in my head I was thinking that by January I would be off the protocol and preparing to have a baby.

Well January went by, then February, then March and I was getting so discouraged. Everyone tells you that it can take a while, but you don’t really believe them.  Then I came to a realization in April. I told Cyndi one day when we were chatting about why I was having such a hard time sticking to the protocol, that I wanted a baby more than I wanted the last 20 pounds.  And once I said it out loud it was like a light bulb went off in my head.  I had been focused on my goal. I had been dedicated to my goal. But in November my thinking shifted to a different goal and I didn’t realize it. So while I was eating protocol and struggling with all the food stuff on tour, my 100 pounds wasn’t my goal any more.  That’s when Cyndi took me off the diet for a while so I could take a break and regain my focus.  Then I got pregnant!

I will admit, these last 2 weeks have been a little carbalicious.  But I’m realizing if I want the healthy pregnancy that I spent the last year preparing my body for, then I need to say NO sometimes.

Cyndi said something to me the other day that really stuck with me. She said that the baby takes all the good nutrients that I’m eating so if I eat garbage, the baby will take the best of what it can from that, leaving what behind for me?  So I’ve really been thinking about that when I eat.  If I eat this pizza, what good nutrients am I giving the baby, if any, and is there going to be any left over for me?  Well, in San Francisco the other day we really had no choice for lunch, it was crazy, we were trying to catch a bus and running all around and I had some pizza, but I felt so bad about the “bad nutrients” so I ate a banana. I know they’re starchy, but fruit is better than some things!! I’m basically trying to eat the reset but sometimes the carbs get the better of me. What is it about bread that’s so alluring?

I’ve not had any weird cravings yet, but I’ve noticed that food just tastes so much better. Like lemon yogurt.. and cherries..mmm..  And luckily no morning sickness.  I’m nauseated a lot, but a few saltines and some water usually do the trick.

I promise to not forget about the blog. I’m still on this journey, I don’t want to gain 50 pounds and have to start all over!!

In case you haven’t seen, this is how we announced it…

***apparently I don’t know how to link.. anyways, you can go on my hubby’s facebook to see. Just look for Jake Perry***

www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150329423618047.421524.513618046

amy

Kelly Nokleby.. What an Inspiration!!

There is a sweet lady I’ve been chatting with online and she has been such an encouragement to the Grace and Strength-ers out there and I just wanted to share her story so I asked her to guest blog today.

“Grace & Strength: the name says it all!  It is ONLY through His Grace & Strength that I have been able to get to Phase 4 (the rest of my life) of this program.  I have struggled with my weight for over 30 years; at age 19 I had gastric bypass surgery.  I did lose weight and was thin after my surgery, BUT it did not stay that way.  Over time, the weight crept back and I ended up being as heavy as I was when I had that surgery 25 years ago.

I came upon the Grace & Strength program accidently (although now I know that I was lead here).  I was searching the internet to see if Selah would be performing near me when I stumbled on Amy Perry’s blog – I thank the Lord every day for Amy’s honesty in her blog.  Amy’s blog prompted me to call Cyndi.  After speaking with Cyndi, I decided I needed to try this program.  That phone call was in August of 2010 – I began my journey on September 1, 2010.  With the help of Cyndi and my awesome coach, Brenda I began this journey of self discovery and healing.  I learned some things about myself that I needed to in order to heal and be ready to live as a thin person!  This journey has been awesome; not in the way that most of us think when the word awesome is used to describe something.  I mean awesome as in I am in constant awe at the healing and growing that has occurred in my life.  Anyone can lose weight (I proved it over & over again); the journey is in freeing yourself from whatever bonds are holding you down.

I thank Cyndi, Brenda and all of the others that have helped me begin this journey; you have helped me to break the chains of bondage and helped me to prepare to live thin, healthy & happy in His Grace & Strength.”

What a gorgeous lady!! This is so inspiring.  If Kelly can do it, so can I–and so can you!!!

Thank you so much Kelly for sharing your story.  I can’t wait to meet you in July when we are in MN.

amy

Back on Track

Wow, it’s been a whole year since I started this journey. I can’t believe it. When I was first thinking about the diet, Jake said, “You can do anything for 3 months…” Little did I know that I needed much longer to get through all the junk and pounds!

I went back and read some of my original posts to remind myself why I started this journey and realized that I never posted a before picture… well, here you go… here’s a  picture where I was singing and clearly not aware that my husband was taking pictures of me with weird expressions on my face. This was one night when Selah was on tour with Avalon. So, 282 pounds..

Well, I had my friend at work take one of me today, and of course, I’m looking at it thinking, I’m still huge! But I know there’s been change and I need to accept that my body is the way it is. I’m never going to be 100 pounds, and to be perfectly honest, I think I would look gross that tiny.

So, side by side…**ok so I suck at putting pics up and they weren’t side by side, so maybe they’ll be at the bottom of the post?  Here’s my 3rd try at the pics…**

Man I don’t like looking at pictures of me…but there it is. Change.

Well, I’ve gained some weight on my spring break because I kind of just didn’t try, to be honest. I ate what I wanted, and now I’m having to deal with that… but I went back on the protocol last week and am down 8 pounds and making my way back to 200. The good news is, I’m home for like 5 weeks so I can focus and not have late night bus food or airport munchies…

I also had some amazing experiences on the road, a lot that I can’t quite put into words yet.  I’ll blog about them soon.

Write to you soon

amy

Spring Break

In high school I never took Spring Break very seriously. I never got together with other kids in my class and took a special Spring Break trip. I went to Junior College, so I didn’t get to experience it then, either. And what’s funny is, I don’t even care. Some days I’d rather curl up on my couch with a good book and never see the sun. Anyways, I was just thinking about that because a bunch of my youth kids are on spring break. Random.

I’m on a sort of break myself right now. I’m resetting for a whole month. Yikes!

Getting to spend time with Cyndi at Women of Faith was so amazing, and we discussed my journey a lot and decided that I’ve never really had a long break. I’ve had small ones, and on them I’ve completely derailed, but I’ve never done a solid reset. My body is crying out for a break. I’ve been on this diet so long, sometimes I feel like it’s never going to end.

So I’m on my spring break.

I come back from tour right after Mother’s Day, so that’s when I’ll get back on track. And I am so ready!

For those of you who were interested in seeing the video from the seminar Cyndi did last week, it’s coming. Jake is working on it but he hasn’t had much time and he wants Cyndi to approve it and she’s been traveling. But as soon as it’s ready I’ll post it. I have to tell you, I was so inspired. I have 2 friends from church on the program right now and it’s so amazing to see what God is doing in their lives. Julie and Nelly, you truly have inspired me. After hearing your testimonies, I wanted to jump back on the drops right then. I love seeing the change in you physically and spiritually. God is doing great things in you and I know that this is only the beginning.

I may not blog very much over the next 2 weeks because I’ll be on tour, then I’ll be spending a couple of days in Nebraska with my brother and his awesome family, so I’m looking forward to taking it easy and being Auntie for a few days.

I do want to ask, though, if you have a prayer request or are struggling with some diet stuff and you want to post a comment letting us know how we can pray for you, I’d love it if you would. I may not be communicating with the blog for a couple weeks, but I can definitely pray for some folks!!

amy

Humbled

I know it’s been a while since I blogged, and now I have way too much to say to put into just one. So I’ll say what’s on my mind most right now.

There aren’t words to describe how my last weekend went. On April 8 & 9th Selah got to be a part of our first Women of Faith event as artists. We got to experience some pretty amazing stuff and I left there feeling so encouraged, so renewed and so incredibly humbled. I just want to share a few of my favorite moments with you…

Patsy Clairmont
What an amazing woman. She is so funny and so real. I was so blessed by her testimony of how she went through her son’s illness and near death. She is such a blessing, and what a spitfire!

Mandisa
Gorgeous! I listen to that girl sing all day. She really is so special to watch.

Women of Faith praise team
I love to hear ladies worship, and those girls were awesome! Btw, I’m obsessed with Rejoice, their worship cd. If you don’t have it, you need to get it.

Sandi Patty
What a beautiful woman of God. I don’t know what I thought I would expect, but nothing could have prepared me for the vulnerability, honesty and crazy talent that flows from this woman. She shared about her weight struggle and self esteem issues and I just sat there thinking, “YOU are Sandi Patty, how could you possibly have self esteem issues?!” And yet, there it was, all over her testimony.. she was rejected for carrying extra weight, she ate to fill a void, she’s worked really hard to get the weight off… she’s just like me. Well, not just like me, ’cause there’s no way I can sing that crazy high!! But you know what I mean. I was so deeply ministered to by her. And she gave me goose pimples like 17 times during We Shall Behold Him.

Then today I was going through some emails that people who have been to Selah concerts have sent me and was realizing that the stuff that God has brought me through and continues to bring me through, is ministering to others. I know that, because you guys write me and tell me, but to experience it for myself in such a strong way was really humbling.

Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for reminding me that everything I do is for the kingdom and not for my own glory. It is my prayer that as I continue this journey and keep moving forward to my goal, that you might be touched. And then you would in turn, touch others’ lives and it’s just one big domino effect of lives being touched.

Having such a sweet network of people to help me through this process has been so encouraging to me. So thank you.

Really, thank you.

btw.. I’m on the reset again, and I’m not sure how long. Cyndi and I got to spend some much needed time together at Women of Faith and she’s helping through this whole tour thing. Plus, did you know it’s been almost a year? I started this diet thinking, “I can do anything for 3 months,” And it’s been 11. I need a break. But I’m not quitting. Just refocusing and taking time to pause.

amy

The Bus

Last weekend began the Compassion International tour that Selah is a part of, along with Aaron Shust and Shaun Groves. Before I got to rehearsal on Thursday afternoon, I had never met either one of them. One never knows what to expect when getting on a bus full of boys. That’s right, I’m the only girl. The boys from Selah, Aaron and his band, Shaun, and every single crew member are all boys and I gotta be honest with you, I don’t hate it. I’ve always gotten along better with boys than girls. I’m not sure why. The one major problem with being on a bus full of boys:

They eat.

And eat.

And EAT.

I was totally unprepared; like a poor wimp going into battle without a piece of armor. I don’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t bring fresh fruit, fat free salad dressings, sugar free drinks. I just happily climbed on the bus without a thought to what I would eat over the weekend.

I ate crap.

I didn’t mean to. The catering was amazing, there were turkey dinners, taco buffets, soups, sandwiches, and more desserts than I could have imagined. The food was great, but not for me. Then there’s “bus food” after the show. I remember this, now, from the Avalon tour. The road manager orders a bunch of food to be on the bus waiting for us when we get on because we’re usually exhausted and starving. OH, the bus food; cheeseburgers, pizza, appetizers, pizza, cookies, pizza. Did I mention pizza? My irresistible trigger food.. pizza.

I would love to say that I wasn’t tempted. I would love to say that I sat there eating an apple while everyone indulged. I would love to say that I the food didn’t even appeal to me. I would love to say that I tried really hard to resist. But I would be lying.

I ate. And then I felt guilty.

Now, I didn’t eat everything, all the time. And I didn’t pig out. But I’m supposed to be on the protocol, that’s 2 portions of fruits, veggies and lean protein a day. That means no pizza, no burgers, no onion rings, which by the way made me sick. And why wouldn’t they? I haven’t eaten an onion ring in almost a year! It was like the cruise all over again, except this time I was on drops.

So, all this to say, I’m not perfect and this journey gets harder and harder the closer I get to my goal. I was talking to Cyndi yesterday and I told her that being on the bus isn’t like going to a restaurant one time and fighting the temptation and then being okay afterward. It’s like having a smorgasbord of food at your fingertips and trying to fight the temptation 4, 5, 6 times a day. And I love Cyndi’s response, “This is time where you have to fight it 10 times a day if that’s what it takes.” So, we spent some time going over an action plan for me for the next few weekends that I’m on the bus. We go back on tour the weekend of the 25th and are out again the next weekend at a Women of Faith event (Thank God Cyndi will be there!!) then out the next weekend on the bus.

Crazy schedule.

But I’m learning when I go in totally unprepared, that’s when I make the most mistakes; kind of like everything else in life, huh? Imagine if David didn’t have his slingshot and stones? This journey isn’t physical for me anymore, I’m not even sure it ever was. I feel great, I love my size right now. I’m very comfortable in my size 16. But I’m still over 200 pounds, and that’s not healthy; that’s not my goal. These last pounds are going to definitely be about putting my flesh away and re-learning how to say NO again.

I made a commitment to the Lord that I was going to lose 100 pounds and that I was going to finally let Him help me. I still want to reach that goal and it’s so close. So here I go again.

p.s. If any of you travel a lot and have any good tips on how to resist tempting food while out on the road, I’d love the help!

amy

Sneak Peek…

Yikes! It’s been a while since I blogged. Sorry, I’ve been busy, but that’s no excuse.

I don’t have very much to say except that I’m slowly but surely whittling my way back down to where I was before I went crazy for 2 weeks and gained 16 pounds. I still don’t think that’s right… anyways, I’m almost back there.

I was at 206.2 today, so 6.2 more pounds and I break 200.. AGAIN! And I start a tour tomorrow, so I’m not sure how that’s going to go.

I’m staying with a friend in Nashville when we’re in between tours and I can’t come home, and I’ll get a scale for her house, so at least weighing every day will keep me honest. ‘Cause I have to tell you, when I know I’m not going to weigh for 6 or 7 days, it makes it way easier to cheat.

I was looking at my calendar today, I’m home 16 full days out of the next 60. I’m a little sad to be missing Jake so much, but I’m also happy because I get to see family in two different states that I never get to see, and I get to see Cyndi!! Yay!! April 8, exactly 30 days from today. I can’t wait to take another skinny picture with her and I’ll post the old and new side by side. She’s going to be with me at a Women of Faith event, and I’m so excited; not only to have her there as accountability, but also just ’cause she’s a great friend!

Okay, that’s enough for today. The tour we’re going on is with Aaron Shust and Shaun Groves. I’m excited about it too. I’ll try to take some good pics and post them.

thanks for reading, really, I’m shocked that more than 5 people actually read this thing!

Okay, so this post was just random bits of information. Sorry. How about some sneak peek pictures from the photo shoot? Now, keep in mind, that these are not touched up or anything, so… be nice!

We had so much fun at the photo shoot. It was freezing outside, but we managed to hang in there.

Hope you like… Blue Steel

So much fun!

Todd smoldering!!

and finally…

amy