I’ve taken quite some time off blogging and truth be told, the same amount of time off focusing on my health/diet. Over the summer it got so difficult to stay on track and travel, I was gone so much so I found myself cheating and gaining, then losing, then gaining, and the yo-yo was making me crazy. As soon as I decided to quit for a while it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I decided to just eat healthy and exercise and take my time… and then I didn’t. It really creeps up on you; a pound here, a pound there, then the next thing you know you’re back to square one. ugh
So I had a long talk last week with Cyndi about what I should do and how I was feeling. She made a comment that I just can’t forget. She said that it sounded like I was too busy taking care of everyone else but I needed to remember that if I don’t put the oxygen mask on myself first, no one else survives. That hit me. I fly all the time and I’ve learned that even a few seconds without cabin pressure can drastically harm you, that’s why they have you put your mask on before your children. The time it takes to save them is the time it takes for you to die. My initial thought was, “But I’m a mom and a wife and I have a ministry, they all have to come first.” But I don’t think she was saying quit everything. She was making a point that if I don’t take care of me, then the me that all those things are getting isn’t the me I want them to have, it isn’t the me they deserve. She also reminded me that I need to remember how to love myself; if I love myself the way I love everyone else I’ll be just fine.
Okay. Message received.
So I decided to go back on the protocol. I can do this. I started loading yesterday morning on my way to church. Then my pastor/brother preached this really cool sermon. He put the disclaimer on it at the beginning that it was meant for men. It’s called Men of Valor and he’s focusing on them, so the ladies could take a vacation. And then he preached – directly to me.
You see, he started to talk about how men need to have personal purity and I know all about that because I have a husband. We have safe guards on our internet and cable so no one can watch anything rated R or over without a passcode that only I know. It’s great. But then he began to talk about accountability partners and how they never really work and I was like, “what?”
One of two things happen with accountability partners, either you begin to lie to them so they don’t hold you accountable or they begin to lighten up on you because they don’t want to come down too hard. When we rely on them to keep us “clean” so to speak, we begin to make excuses for our behavior, blaming our partner for not being there enough, or hard enough on us.
Now, I’ve never lied to Cyndi. Not once. But I sure have dodged a phone call, or taken 3 days to reply to a text because I don’t want to have to say whatever it is I need to say, like, “I pigged out, or gained 3 pounds.” And I know I have definitely said the words, “Well, I wanted to order pizza and Jake didn’t stop me.” It was like a loving slap in the face yesterday. Because while I don’t have an issue with personal purity, I most certainly have a portion of my life… of my heart that is out of control again. And I have blamed having a baby, having several jobs and ministries, my accountability coaches, Jake; everyone but the person really responsible.
Me. Message received.
I know some of you think I’m always too hard on myself, but I think as Christians we sometimes need to be. We need to do a Spirit check and when we find something out of order, correct it. We need to allow ourselves to be lovingly rebuked and then get our butts back on track. I’m not beating myself up today, but the message has definitely been received.
The last thing John said yesterday that really got me was the scripture he read.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 ”Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the game goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”
I beat my body and make it my slave. Dang.
So here I go… again