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Things I got from my mom…

June 2, 2010

We learn a lot of things from our parents; everything they say and do shape who we become.  It’s quite obvious that I look like mine.  Mom’s honeymoon pictures are freaky! It’s like a thinner version of me hangin’ with my dad in Hawaii; gross! 🙂  She and I are a lot alike in many ways and that’s probably why there is often friction between us.  We love each other, but we seem to have trouble communicating with each other, so… there’s friction.

Things I got from my mom:

  • My looks
  • My temperament
  • My obsession with babies
  • My musical abilities (along with other great women in my family)
  • My passion for reading
  • My propensity to hurl fruit (and other stupid objects)

Some of these things are good, and some are not so good… and there’s one I just recently realized after having a conversation with her:

  • My love/hate relationship/obsession with food

When I think about my childhood I can’t remember a time when my mom wasn’t dieting.  She did medi-fast, weight watchers, slim fast, even HCG; we had exercise videos coming out the wazoo! I remember “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” with Richard, Jazzercise, and whatever else was “cool” workout in the 80’s.  As far back as I can remember my mom battled food and her weight.

When I started this blog she and I had a conversation and she told me how much deeper it really went; how when she would go places with my dad she felt inadequate on his arm because she was large. She told me how she hated clothes shopping, and would change outfits 5 or 6 times before going to church on Sunday because she hated how she looked in them.  She said it got so bad that she wouldn’t go out of town without her scale because she was so obsessed with her weight and had to weigh constantly.  For the first time a week and a half ago, I really saw my mom.

She is me.  And we are broken.

She is one of the people who I didn’t feel was going to be very supportive, and she’s turned out to be one of the MOST supportive people these last two weeks.  The more we talked about her past issues with weight, the more I realized that our issues are more than just “weight issues”.   We talked about my grandmother, who, for as long as I can remember has been on Weight Watchers, literally off and on for 30 years.  Most conversations we have she will work in, “This is the biggest I’ve ever been,” and it dawned on me… my grandma is in the club; the “broken, hate what we see in the mirror, low self-esteem” club right alongside my mother and me.

This has to end.  I’m reading a great book right now about spiritual warfare and it discusses “generational curses” and basically how attitudes and thought processes can be passed down from generation to generation and no one even realizes it.

Well I see it and it stops now! I cannot allow my love/hate relationship to shape my “someday” child and make him or her obsessed with food and their weight.  Everything I learn through this journey will teach me how to parent my child in a way that they grow healthy and happy.

I don’t blame my mom and grandma.  Like I said, most times no one even realizes it’s happening.  But I challenge them and you to really think about how you act in front of your children.  My mom never had to say a word, but her actions left an impression on me.  Think about how you treat food and dieting in front of them.  Do you eat cookies and tell them they have to eat fruit?  Do you tell them that you have to lose weight but it’s okay for them to be however they want? Because kids are smart, and they see the contradictions.  If you’re obsessed with your weight, they know it.

I hope this post doesn’t offend anyone. I’ve just really been set free this week by the revelations God has shown me about my family history.   I feel like there has been healing between me and my mom and I’m praying that the freedom and healing continue with us both relationally and individually.

amy

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14 comments

  1. Amy,
    Im crying tears of joy for you. This is HUGE! Im speechless. I am so happy this is happening before you had children. You really can turn this generational sin around…. My revelation in my life was the cycle of shame…I believe i addressed it in my last comment. I will continue to pray for you. Now that you have had this revelation satan will use your comfort/coping habits to confuse the truth and he will try everything to hinder you. I can see God’s hand in this and I wish you the best.


    • So I really am interested in doing this diet, too! Where can I get it? I saw many sites that offer them…even ebay! haha But I don’t know which one to get…can you let me know??


  2. Amy,
    I am so happy for you in your journey on getting healthy. I am astounded by your finding in your relationship with your Mom, Grandma & food. That is such a huge step in the right direction with conquering the food addiction. Blessings & prayers to you!


  3. Hi Amy,
    I’m so happy for you! loosing weith is not easy but is not imposible either. im struggling with the same thing.
    Im very impress about what you just share with us. i always think that to loose weith is not just loosing weith, you have to be able to change bad habits and your whole life. people dont understand that and instead of healping you they discorage you. but reading your blog really incorage me againg to continue with my jorny. thank you for sharing your history.
    i really admire you and i will pray for you and yours. GBU!


  4. Hi Amy! Could you tell me the name of the book you’re reading? Thanks!


  5. Hey Amy!

    You are truly amazing…. I have always felt that way, but you have grown into the most thoughtful, caring, loving, fruit throwing woman I know. I love you, and know I am on this journey with you. I am proud to be a part of your family. You and Jen are seriously thought of as my sisters. Thank you for letting me share in your journey!

    Love,
    Tara


  6. Oh Amy, this is so crazy that you posted this this week…I too had sort of the same revelation this past weekend. I have always known that my family loves to eat, and they too have been on every diet and have tried to lose weight for years. They love to eat so much that at breakfast they are talking about lunch and at lunch they are talking about supper and supper breakfast for the next morning and on and on. Most of my moms side and dads side of the family are large. And by large..I mean way overweight. I have always struggled with it and have tried so many diets it’s not even funny. So a while back..I just realized that we have tons of family gatherings..for every occasion and any excuse we can think of we get together and eat. I realized that we never have any food that is good for you. We always have the chips and hamburgers…or ribs and mac and cheese. BUt this past weekend..it was Memorial Day so of course we got together and ate. As I looked around..I noticed that everyone’s plate was OVERFLOWING with food, and it was food that was horrible for them. Then to top it off they had homemade ice cream and three different types of cakes/pies. I just thought to myself…”wow, this is how I used to eat”…God really used it to open my eyes to the addiction I had and still partially have. I have currently lost 85 pounds and am still going strong. I have had my ups and downs…times I’ve sat and cried and cried. But it has been worth every tear and pain that I have had. Not to mention..I am not only getting a body that my future husband (whoever he may be) and my future children deserve…and that I deserve for myself…but what My Jesus Deserves. I realized that I needed to have a body that honored and glorified him. So above anything I want my life to glorify God..and I can’t fully do that with an unhealthy body. So newaz…I realized the same thing sort of! 🙂


  7. hi amy…as i read your blog today, i was amazed..
    it’s been said that thru our imperfections God will brings out the real beauty inside of us..
    its really inspiring to read your experiences, before it may be counted as failures but now, today it is counted as your gained, to reach and get others inspired and look forward for what God may brings in our life. others may quote ,you need to do this and do that, but yours is simply “give it to God, its how you reach others not how you look on them”.
    i admire your sincerity, well said, God is with you sis….

    edwin (kedz)


  8. Hi Amy!

    This is a little awkward for me because having listened to your voice so often and having read about you on Angie’s blog, part of me feels like I know you. But then you have no idea who I am and of course I don’t actually know you. Anyway, what I wanted to let you know is that I sympathize with you, I’m happy to see your plan of loosing weight is working and it’s my prayer you’ll continue to press on. Remember that Jesus has overcome, and that because he did, you can now draw on his strength and overcome as well. Heaven is cheering for you!

    Zippora, 24, The Netherlands


  9. Dear Amy, I,too, have struggled with my weight all my life. I am a 38 yr old youth pastor’s wife with four children, and I can’t remember my life without being on a diet. I have tried all of them, and when I don’t see enormous results, I quit. Then I gain more weight. I have been blessed by your music, and now, your blog. Please keep us updated on your journey, and I would really like to know what the title of that book you are reading too. Maybe it would help in my struggle with this generational curse. Thank you.


  10. Hi Amy,
    I just came onto your site to look for lyrics for songs from You Deliver Me and happened onto your blog.
    I am touched and encouraged by your openness about your “big decision” and your feelings about your weight, your appearance, etc. How familiar these challenges are to so many of us! Last year, I lost 35 pounds through a combination of Weight Watchers and regular exercise. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done! I’m glad you’re feeling great already; keep up the hard work and I trust you’ll continue to feel even better as you make even further progress.
    It struck me as soon as I started reading your blog that YOU WRITE WELL. I am a writer and a voracious reader, and it’s in my DNA to critique everything I read. And I don’t enjoy everything I read, even when the writer’s heart is sincere. So please add “I write well” to your list of strengths and remove it completely from the list of things you do less well. Seriously.
    May God continue to help and strengthen you in your progress, and may He continue to make you a blessing through your music AND your writing.
    Laureen


  11. Hi Amy,

    I just got off the phone with Cyndi Benson and I registered to get started with my Grace and Strength Diet. Thank you! Thank you!!

    I here the first two days are a lot of fun. 🙂 Bless you for posting your private issues. Not only do you have a fantastic voice but you truly have a heart for women. My kids are in there twenties, I hope that I can be an example NOW and stop the cycle with my daughter. Only through His wisdom and strength.

    In Him,
    Laura


  12. Please, please can you send me the name of the book you are reading? The generational curses are sucking the life out of us, one tiny slurp at a time. Thanks so much.


  13. @Mary. There is a book called Shadow Boxing that is on generations curses and root spirits – GREAT BOOK! I am not sure if it is the one Amy is reading, but it is a great one!



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