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Old Habits Die Hard

June 17, 2010

How many times have you heard that phrase?

“Old Habits Die Hard”

I’ve heard it a million times, I’m sure, but I’ve never really thought about it much.  I’m kind of a creature of habit.  (picture my hubby reading this and guffawing as he yells, “Kind of?”)  So… truth be told, I’m kind of, really a lot, borderline obsessively, a creature of habit.  I like things “just so” and like like them that way all the time.  “A place for everything, and everything in its place.” I plan things out, schedule them, over schedule them, and so on and so forth.  My husband laughs at me, but I tell him all the time, that my ability to organize and have things exactly where they need to be saves him time and money.

During our move from Nashville to California, Jake laughed because I numbered every tub on all sides, and the lid, listed what was in each tub on the side and lid, and had a corresponding spreadsheet.  He laughed, until he had to climb through tubs upon tubs in my sister’s garage looking for his random nerd item that he tossed in a tub willy nilly and then came calling for my spreadsheet so he could find it. He doesn’t laugh so much anymore.

So, I’m a creature of habit, who likes things the way she likes them and does things the way she likes to do things, pretty much every time.  If you do things the same all the time, then you always have the same result. Which in my OCD world is a good thing when it comes to cleaning, organizing and running our household.  But when it happens with bad habits… well… you see where I’m going with this, right?

Last Saturday evening I invited the young ladies from our youth group MOMENTUM over for a girls night.  (Jake is newly appointed Youth Pastor – so proud of him!) We’re studying A Jewel in His Crown by Priscilla Shirer, and I”m super excited about it.  Anyways, I was feeling a lot of will power that day, so I got the girls pizzas.

Pepperoni pizzas.

And yes, I paused after both times I just typed it and closed my eyes, took a deep breath and imagined a gorgeous, cheese covered pepperoni pizza. Sigh.

Moving on. I cooked the pizzas and served them and even sat with everyone while they ate and I ate my chicken and was perfectly content. I was fine.  I had prepared for it mentally.  My food was yummy, I didn’t need pizza.  Fast forward to after the study time during movie time.  Some of the girls got more pizza before movie time, and I was totally ok with that. I was mentally prepared, I didn’t need pizza.

As we were watching the movie, I could smell it wafting over every few minutes. The more it wafted, the stronger the aroma got.  The stronger the aroma got, the more my stomach growled. The more my stomach growled the more  I kept thinking, “Who got more blasted pizza? Don’t they know they’re killing me?!?” And that’s when it happened.  No, I didn’t sneak upstairs, hide in the garage and gorge myself on pizza.  And what’s funny, is I didn’t even think about doing that.  What I thought about was how every time we had pizza I would eat until I could eat no more. I would eat until I was almost sick, because pizza is my nemesis. It is my “trigger” food. It is the one food that literally makes everything go away.

And what I sat there in the dark thinking was that there was probably just one lonely piece left and if I went up there right then, no one would know.  Then I thought about how every time I ate pizza, no matter how full I was, no matter how much I’d eaten, I had this habit of looking at that one last piece getting cold on the tray; that one last piece that wasn’t enough to save; that one last piece that no one else wanted, and I would eat it for literally no reason at all.

That is gluttony.  That is selfishness.  That is indulgence.  That is sin.

Now, I’m not calling everyone who is over weight or over eats once in a while big old sinners, so don’t get mad.  I’m calling me a sinner. My whole life I blamed being overweight on everything and everyone I could; asthma; dna; bad metabolism; my busy schedule. The fact is I’m overweight because I had no self-control. I’m overweight because I made bad choices.  I’m overweight because I held that part of my life out of God’s control and never really relied on Him to help me. I was selfish, and rebellious.  But thank God for forgiveness!

Old habits die hard and apparently I have a lot more of them than I thought.  But I thank God that He is revealing these things to me and as I get closer to Him, He shows me more of my junk.  But the amazing thing, is He shows me how to get rid of it.  Did you know God is great big garbage man? He takes your junk and He throws it away for you.  Now I just have to be careful I don’t go back to the dump and pick it all back up again!

amy

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7 comments

  1. im so glad you wrote this…that is what God has been working on my heart with is that it comes down to gluttony and sin for me so many times! I fail so much and it sickens me!


  2. Your writing brings the scripture Psalm 51:17 to my heart, Amy…”The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken(crushed with sorrow over our sin) and contrite heart He will not despise”…To have the ears of God attend to our cry…priceless…may all of our fountains truely be in you, Father…source of life…thank you for the honesty with which you shared…I once used food for comfort after almost being raped…I am with you in prayer and support. VICTORY IS YOURS IN JESUS NAME! Joni


  3. Amy, your post about “everything in it’s place” was as if I wrote it. Why can’t I organize my weight like I do my life?


  4. Amy:
    Wow! I think that most women I know have felt the exact same way. For the past several weeks I have been on a spiritual journey of sorts. I started the Daniel Fast, a partial fast for spiritual gain. And as I read the book something came into my head and heart. God knows whenever I was on a diet and cheated. He knew. I never really even thought about that before. So as I am now on the second half of the 21 day fast, every time I am tempted to eat something that I shouldn’t, I remind myself that God knows. God knows that I am in a war with my flesh, and I am determined that my spirit will win. A beautiful post. You just showed how strong you are and the beautiful knowledge that came from not eating that piece of pizza.


  5. Hi Amy,
    I am so happy for you…Isn’t it the most wonderful feeling to be set free from the chains that bind us?

    My daddy is overweight and appears to care nothing about it. His work is extremely stressful and his eating habits are a “comfort zone” for him… I am 16 and very trim and lean, but honestly, I am fearful of turning overweight like my dad someday. I eat healthily especially compared to most people and live a very active lifestyle on our farm. I know that my daddy’s weight is a result of choices he makes, but I hate the feeling of not wanting to be like him. I want him to be my role model and not the prime example of who I don’t want to be. It has affected my respect for him, because I felt like if he cared about me he would make better choices. That thought is a lie from Satan, and I am fighting to recover my respect and honor that is due to my daddy. God has shown me the error of my thinking and is bringing me on a journey of true honor and submission which is not based on feelings. God is faithful!

    Anyway, I am so excited for you as you begin your journey of weight loss! But even more importantly, the discovery of yourself as God shows you the “trash” in your life (we all have it) and helps you get rid of it….

    Would you pray for my daddy? Most importantly, I would love it if you would pray for me as I seek to honor and love him no matter what =)

    Have a beautiful evening!
    In Christ Alone,
    Josh


  6. Amy,
    I love reading this. I made the same choices for lack of self control. For me I’ve always eaten like crazy but for the first 25 years of my life I had the metabolism to take it. When I got married and started having babies it didn’t stop – it got worse. Well, the food choices got worse because my hubs and I indulged ourselves in all things yummy and he loved to take care of me and would bring me treats. I didn’t worry about the weight gain for many years because I was having one baby after another and I was just sure when I was done it would fall off. My baby is 5 and it didn’t and now I’m having to repair a lifetime of bad habits.

    I’m so happy for your success – it truly makes my heart happy. 🙂


  7. I haven’t had a chance to read all of your enteries or the comments by others but you tried Bragg’s Liquid Aminos instead of soy sauce? Totally okay on the HCG plan! It is delicious. I use it on salads, meats, almost everything! In most grocery stores in health-food sections. I am on day 20 and have lost 14.8 pounds – very happy!! I am doing the program with a homeopathic doctor and he says it will correct physically what I need to maintain my goal weight point, but I must address any emotional and behavioral issues to do with eating that potentially could put the weight back on. It’s a real journey! God bless you!



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