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Here I go…again

January 28, 2013

I’ve taken quite some time off blogging and truth be told, the same amount of time off focusing on my health/diet.  Over the summer it got so difficult to stay on track and travel, I was gone so much so I found myself cheating and gaining, then losing, then gaining, and the yo-yo was making me crazy.  As soon as I decided to quit for a while it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I decided to just eat healthy and exercise and take my time… and then I didn’t.  It really creeps up on you; a pound here, a pound there, then the next thing you know you’re back to square one.  ugh

So I had a long talk last week with Cyndi about what I should do and how I was feeling.  She made a comment that I just can’t forget.  She said that it sounded like I was too busy taking care of everyone else but I needed to remember that if I don’t put the oxygen mask on myself first, no one else survives.  That hit me.  I fly all the time and I’ve learned that even a few seconds without cabin pressure can drastically harm you, that’s why they have you put your mask on before your children.  The time it takes to save them is the time it takes for you to die.  My initial thought was, “But I’m a mom and a wife and I have a ministry, they all have to come first.”  But I don’t think she was saying quit everything.  She was making a point that if I don’t take care of me, then the me that all those things are getting isn’t the me I want them to have, it isn’t the me they deserve.  She also reminded me that I need to remember how to love myself; if I love myself the way I love everyone else I’ll be just fine.

Okay. Message received.

So I decided to go back on the protocol.  I can do this.  I started loading yesterday morning on my way to church.  Then my pastor/brother preached this really cool sermon.  He put the disclaimer on it at the beginning that it was meant for men.  It’s called Men of Valor and he’s focusing on them, so the ladies could take a vacation.  And then he preached – directly to me.

You see, he started to talk about how men need to have personal purity and I know all about that because I have a husband.  We have safe guards on our internet and cable so no one can watch anything rated R or over without a passcode that only I know. It’s great. But then he began to talk about accountability partners and how they never really work and I was like, “what?”

One of two things happen with accountability partners, either you begin to lie to them so they don’t hold you accountable or they begin to lighten up on you because they don’t want to come down too hard.  When we rely on them to keep us “clean” so to speak, we begin to make excuses for our behavior, blaming our partner for not being there enough, or hard enough on us.

Now, I’ve never lied to Cyndi.  Not once.  But I sure have dodged a phone call, or taken 3 days to reply to a text because I don’t want to have to say whatever it is I need to say, like, “I pigged out, or gained 3 pounds.”  And I know I have definitely said the words, “Well, I wanted to order pizza and Jake didn’t stop me.”  It was like a loving slap in the face yesterday.  Because while I don’t have an issue with personal purity, I most certainly have a portion of my life… of my heart that is out of control again.  And I have blamed having a baby, having several jobs and ministries, my accountability coaches, Jake; everyone but the person really responsible.

Me. Message received.

I know some of you think I’m always too hard on myself, but I think as Christians we sometimes need to be.  We need to do a Spirit check and when we find something out of order, correct it.  We need to allow ourselves to be lovingly rebuked and then get our butts back on track.  I’m not beating myself up today, but the message has definitely been received.

The last thing John said yesterday that really got me was the scripture he read.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27  “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.  Everyone who competes in the game goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.  Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.  No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”

I beat my body and make it my slave.  Dang.

So here I go… again

amy

 

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9 comments

  1. Hang in there Amy . . . I know exactly how you feel. I know the protocol and dropped several lbs doing it. Now, I have gained them back. I decided it was great to lose quickly, but very hard for me to maintain and not feel like I was going crazy.

    So, our family has gone to Clean Eating . . . lots of fresh foods, nothing from a box, nothing that contains anything on the label that we don’t know exactly what it is or can’t pronounce.

    Life is hard. Being a Mama is hard. Being a wife is hard. Eating doesn’t have to be. Enjoy the foods God gives us NATURALLY.

    Saying a little prayer for you!


  2. aarggh… thank you so much for sharing this Amy! 🙂 It’s great to know that I’m not the only one going through stuff like this, though my case is different. Thank God it’s never our battle but His and all the more He gives us opportunities as this to see and be aware how He trusts us with challenges. 🙂

    God’s blessing you more and Selah! You guys rock for Jesus! 🙂


  3. Thank you for being so open and honest, Amy. Take comfort in something else Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:

    “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

    While my struggle differs from yours, I have reached a point in my life where I have told God that, when He is ready, I am willing to give up my weaknesses and desires, since I can not do it on my own. As I pray this regularly, I’m finding my addictions becoming less important, and consequently, weaker in my life.

    Amy, you’ve been blessed with more talent in your pinky finger than most people posses in their entire lives’. Perhaps your struggle is the blessing that strengthens your dependence on Christ, your opportunity to boast all the more gladly about your weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on you.

    God bless you! And yes, put on your oxygen mask first, then reach out to others. 🙂


  4. Thank you for sharing about your struggles and the way God is speaking to you in your life. It helps me in my own struggles. God bless you and your ministry. I just found out about you guys last week rhough a group of visitors to the Mission where I serve in Mexico. They gave me one of your CDs and I went online to see more of what you do on Youtube. I love your music. Thank you very much for your ministry. Claudie


  5. I find just for me, that I can accomplish so much but have a hard time sustaining. Through praying to God on that issue, I received Mark 2:22. I have so many issues that I have to work on in a given day that I forget that he has made me a new creature. I am to be better and better for HIM and HIS glory. It is when I forget that simple fact, that it is about his grace that makes me shine, not my works. I am a new creature. I am not trapped so much in the world’s ideas and I will spend more time in the Word out of thankful gratitude that Christ has washed the mistakes and sins from me and I can try again “that moment” because all we all really have is time, and “now”. I find when I go easy on me in the condemnation department, that I seem to behave a little nicer to myself, not self indulgent. But even I, as everyone else has a long way to go. to get where we want to be, it happens by racking up individual days one day at a time. Focus on what you can do “now” what is at hand. Do it to the best of your ability, and then relax and let God handle the rest. Because he is the one in control. He sent the Healer, the Comforter, and a Savior. I choose to use all the tools he sent. 😉 Thanks Selah for the music.


  6. Amy, you and I are in the same place. I reached 100 lb weight loss last year only to sabotage my success. I started gaining it back and finding comfort in food. (I too blogged about it). These roadblocks are necessary to the overall proogress to healthy living. We learn from them so next time we encounter them we can quickly recover and get back on track. Keep your chin up and run the race to win it!


  7. I just wanted to say that you are an amazing REAL example. there are so many things whether it be weight loss or certain issues within our hearts that we allow our guard to be down, but we have to get a hold of it, to quick it out before it takes root in our lives. I appreciate your honesty, and i know that I too need to be completely honest with the the situation that I am in.

    Thank you again.


  8. I love this Amy! You can do it girl! I believe in you! Love, Traci Michele http://www.ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com


  9. Amy,

    Your transparency is such a blessing. It seems God has given you this trial to minister to so many.

    I am a friend of Allan’s and met you after a concert near Tampa. We were due at the same time with boys and I had been thinking about you, wondering how everything went and how you’re doing with your baby and juggling such a busy life. You are amazing!

    I hope the birth/recovery went smoothly and that you are enjoying momhood. It took me my third baby to finally love babies enough to keep going (if I was younger!).

    I was a professional singer before kids and haven’t been able to sing skillfully since becoming pregnant with my first one 8 years ago. I think my registers have severely separated….but, it just goes without saying, God is so faithful to us to give us exactly what we need to become more like Him. Keep clinging to Christ!

    Blessings to you!

    Saying a prayer for you,

    Christi Griffith



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