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Here I go again…again…

May 15, 2013

That song keeps going through my head as I type…

An’ here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An’ I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time

Okay, well, other than the line about being a drifter, this is how I feel.  I feel like I’ve started this journey 17 times already.. ugh.

But I’ve made up my mind, and I don’t want to waste any more time.

Today I called Cyndi. I told her that May 19 is my 3yr anniversary for G&S. I’m no where near where I wanted to be. She advised me to start journaling & praying in prep for a June 1 start date. No HCG; which confirms that Jake is right to not want me to do it again. Let me clarify, I’ve started protocol and quit so many times, and he’s seen me cry and be frustrated and feel like a failure.  He suggested not using drops this time and getting healthy together.  He’s a good man.

She also said I need a reason. Last time it was Josiah; I wanted a healthy pregnancy. This time it’s Josiah; I want to be healthy for him. I want to enjoy playing outside with him; not tolerate it. I want to feel comfortable at swim lessons with him; not self-concious.

I’ve just been eating whatever I want whenever I want and I feel like junk. I’m ready to feel good.

The journal thing is new for me.  I’m giving it a try.

And in case the song isn’t already stuck in your head…

here I go again…

for the 18th time.

🙂

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7 comments

  1. Amy,
    Im extremely proud of and for you. I understand how hard this journey is. Im walking it in my life as well. I will stand in faith with you for this process. I discovered that putting on worship music and writing out my thoughts and feelings has helped me a lot. Hoping it goes well for you.

    In Christ,
    Cyndi Autrey


    • Amy,
      God doesn’t care how many times you go down that road. He is with you every time. The worship music and journal is the way to go. Never give up or give in….God will get you where He wants you to be.
      Cindy


  2. So excited for you, Amy! A year ago my husband was diagnosed with Type II diabetes and I knew we had to make a change. We began with a low carb option and that worked well for us for awhile. We are now just eating clean and he has PERFECT blood sugar and I am down over 70 lbs with quite a few more to go, but it is a process for me….a lifestyle change. Praise Jesus for His unfailing love, grace and mercy….He is my strength.
    I’m here to be your cheering section, to lift you in prayer and to encourage you as you encourage me through your posts. Our common goal is to be healthy ❤
    Hugs and Love in Jesus,
    Patti Ramsey-Everett


  3. Praying for you! Hooray for people like Cyndi! I love that she never gives up on us 🙂


  4. The song was ALREADY in my head everytime I checked to see if you’d updated. 🙂 You can do this, mama…I’m trying right along with you!


  5. Amy, I am old enough to be your mama and I am going to lay it on the line for you (in love). You cannot eat your way to emotional freedom. There could be some physical reason you eat, they are doing lots of research about that. But, when you overeat and disappoint yourself you are only focusing on you. Step outside Amy-land and focus on others, give and receive (and I meant it, receive) love, you are worthy just because you are here. Accept it and embrace it. We are all worthy of love for one reason or another, we only need one reason right? Much love.


  6. I know the feeling – I start a diet almost daily with the intentions on being healthy for my kids (one who is a week older than your Josiah) – and fail almost daily. I am super busy at work and have limited exercise time. I try to wear a pedometer to help me count steps but I fail at my goals too. Please pray for me and I will pray for you.



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